My inner critic has been one of my hardest working protectors, and I am grateful for their efforts.
Perhaps that sentence makes you pause. There has been so much written about inner critics and how to tame them, control them, change them – the predominant frame is that the inner critic is an enemy. Not a protector. And definitely not a friend.
I would like to offer an alternative frame: your inner critic is one of your most loyal, dedicated protectors. Their sole intention is to keep you safe, and they are willing to take extreme measures to accomplish their goal. Yes, they cause internal pain for other parts of you. And yes, their strategy may not be all that effective. But pushing them away will not silence them, and in fact will likely make them louder.
For a long time, I tried to befriend my inner critic, to see them as trying to be helpful, but I didn’t want to get too close to it because the sharpness of its voice scared me. Other parts of me kept me from connecting with my critic in an open-hearted way. Recently, with support, I was able to invite those parts to give me space so that I could really connect, and what I learned brought understanding and a deep compassion for my critic. They (my critic is non-binary, also new information) have worked hard most of my life to keep people they perceive as unsafe at a distance, to help me maintain boundaries, to prevent me from doing things that might get me shamed/blamed. They have been hated and exiled by other parts in my internal system, and that has been hard for them. But they have been steadfast, never taking a rest, as long as they believed there was a need for their role.
But I don’t need them to do this job anymore. I can maintain healthy boundaries and help the parts that want to act out from a self-led place now, and that allowed my critic to take on a new role of discernment. I value their keen perception and am deeply grateful for how hard they have worked. And I welcome them into their new role. They seem to be much happier now.
If you have an active inner critic, I hope you are able to befriend it. I have found this to be a game-changer for me.
