I am in the business of helping people change. People come to me wanting something different in their lives. And I have seen many of my clients make significant shifts that led to greater ease, happiness, and flow. I honor the part of them that sought help, that got them to the session on time. And yet, there is an irony in this work with people. I come to it with an intention to help support clients in the change they are seeking, whether that is deep healing or a career change. But if I come with an agenda, that usually gets in the way. Why? Agenda means “things to be done.” If I come to a session with a plan of things to do, I will be putting my thoughts about what should be onto the client. That gets in the way of attuning, of being present to what the client needs. This practice is about being with, rather than doing to. So, while I have a lot of tools in my toolkit, I need to show up without a plan to use them. They are available to use if it seems right for the client.
This tension is true for clients as well. The paradox is that having an agenda for change gets you started on doing the personal work. But once you are in it, change is impeded by that very same agenda. Sometimes the path forward is sideways, or backwards. So many wise teachers have said this before – real, lasting change cannot happen by pushing for it. It must start with a deep understanding and acceptance of things as they are. There is a reason you do that thing you do. Meeting yourself with curiosity allows you to explore how you got to be this way. From that place of understanding, an opening can occur. Change happens by relaxing into what is, not by pushing to get somewhere else. I help people be with themselves, which can lead to a letting go of what they thought should happen. And often things shift as a result.
